A man got drunk, drove his car home, got himself into a car accident and got himself injured. He has no one to blame but himself. He had it coming.
A woman got drunk. Someone took her home and there he raped her. Did she had it coming? Let’s assume for a minute that these two cases are parallel and when you do something stupid you should expect to get punished for it. Maybe this is true, but let’s change the focus from the victim to the allegedly offender – did he have the right to punish her?
Trying to wiggle yourself out by saying it’s not a punishment will raise the question “okay, so what was it for her?” and the rapist would might say “I thought she wouldn’t mind” or “she actually wanted it, that’s why she got drunk to begin with” but these two line of thinking leads to the conclusion that her opinion didn’t really matter, because men know best. We’ll get back to that point in a second.
A research named “Denying Rape but Endorsing Forceful Intercourse: Exploring Differences Among Responders” surveyed college students and found a big difference between the number of people who admitted they’ll rape a person in certain situation and difference. So maybe these highly intelligent college-student males didn’t actually thought it through or maybe they did – and the problem is actually much deeper than mere sociopathic stupidity.
How can a man have sex with a woman without her consent but not rape, how does this work? Well, quite simple, actually -if the woman’s will doesn’t count. “she doesn’t know what she wants (she’s just a woman after all)“.
I might have accepted it as plausible but it raises the question – “OK, if this is not rape, then what is?” Oh, this is actually quite simple too – if there’s another men, such as the girl’s husband or father, involved and he objects to the sex. In this world-view, “the subject of rape isn’t a woman (person), rather than another man’s property”.
But unlike the kind of rapes the media usually warns about – the one that occurs in dark alleys, many cases of rape are actually committed by the woman’s spouse or family member.In such case, this is definitely shouldn’t be considered as rape, as the man is ENTITLED to have sex with. Her opinion on the matter doesn’t count (and of course there’s no other man to object).
The research proved a dire cognitive dissonance for college students male, but I believe it should be accompanied by follow-up research about women – how many of them were raped? how many of them had sex against their will? Should the research come up with similar results as the male’s study, it’ll show that our understanding and the legal term of “rape” isn’t as common as we might hope. Perhaps their definition would be “Rape by definition involves violence“. This might explain sentences such “Don’t resist if you don’t want to get raped“. rape is a very strong label, so if you don’t want to get stigmatise you shouldn’t probably not object. Again, putting the girl’s consent out of the equation.
So a girl might (should ask) “how far does a fight have to go to count? as most women are physically smaller and less experienced in violence than man, are my choices stand between ‘not-rape’ and killing myself fighting back?”
Even if the definition of “rape” was reduced to “violent-only” – why should a person have sex if s/he doesn’t want to (disregarding the name of the act)? So putting aside “women are property” claim, which makes things much more extreme and easier to deal with (we abolished slavery, women aren’t slaved, move one) a man might think that either the woman’s opinion doesn’t matter or maybe he doesn’t believe her. In his view, “all women are either naive bimbos that are just waiting to discover the magical world of sex, or nymphomaniac whores, ready to sleep with anyone who would offer them”. these are two different personas for women – that men find it easy to accept, because in both the women are not in control.
I also think it’s a cultural thing – how do we, as society, perceive “women having sex” – whenever you call a girl a slut, or easy-a, you’re actually perpetuating this environment in which “sex is women’s most dangerous addiction and only bad girls falls to temptations“. A man’s daughter/sister should be protected from sinning, even at the cost of their own life otherwise they’ll be stripped away from their feminine humanity and would bring dishonour to their (male) owner. And on the other side, we make sure not to acknowledge that men, too, are also sexual beings beyond the point of “anywhere, anytime, with anyone and anything”.
Everyone wants sex, all the time – boys and girls alike. “That is why it is easy for girl to seduce boys by wearing seductive clothes”. Are they seducing? do the man object? did the girl actually made the man change his mind from ‘I shan’t rape today‘ to ‘Oh well, why not?‘. So even seductive clothes don’t really seduce man to do something that wanted to begin with, rather than it gives them the legitimacy to act upon this will. “Well, if she didn’t want everyone to touch her butt, she shouldn’t have dressed like a slut”. Did provocative clothing turn the girl’s body into a public commodity with free samples? “Well, how can I tell whether the woman dressed sexy for her own personal amusement or because she hoped that someone would touch her bottom?”. Well,You can start by thinking that no girl want to be touched disrespectfully. We can assume that all man and woman wants to be respected. Did you show any sign of respect towards the girl whose butt you just squeezed? respecting her also means respecting her wishes, and if you haven’t done so, you probably did something you weren’t suppose to do.
“Girls are fickle-minded and therefore their opinion can be considered as a mere suggestion”. Anyone can be persuaded, boys and girls alike. It just seems that boys don’t really wait to persuade the girls using reasoning, rather use a more direct approach, with brute force. Being stronger doesn’t make you right.
Can your MOTHER want/refuse sex? I think there’s a great cognitive dissonance in which man simply cannot contain the thought of their mother as a sexual being just like any other woman out there. (and if they could – they would’ve raped her just the same).In our patriarch – society, the mother role is considered sacred – but does she fall on the role of a strong leader or is she the household’s crown jewel?if we considered the following statements – (a) “She has a special role in your life”; (b) “She must not get raped (by anyone that is not your father, of course)”; (c) “She is as important as man”, the rapists would accept (a) because of (b), and not vice-versa, while (c) doesn’t even register.
Rape is the product of a society that views women as men’s commodity.
Do you think a girl is not the sole owner of her body rather than a commodity to be handled by men? Every time you deny the man’s responsibility from his sexual advances toward unwilling female participants, you are perpetuating the latter.